naked as we came

“A man might have a hundred children and live to be very old. But if he finds no satisfaction in life and in the end does not even get a decent burial, I say he would have been better off born dead… ” Ecclesiastes 6:3

I have been searching for myself for awhile now. I have to admit I haven’t found a place to call my home. I used to drive around town with a sense of peace; a sense of pride, but where has it all gone? I felt like I was somebody, because I was well known by the people that I grew up with. But now that I have moved on, and away, I feel lost. I invested so much time in my image and reputation; I neglected the very fabric of my being, I neglected God.

God makes it very clear that everything done out of selfish ambition is completely meaningless. I have been chasing the wind for sometime now. It twists and turns, heads north and south, and leads me in a dizzy dance. I have freedom to chase the wind around every corner and off every cliff, but why should I? Why should I invest time in things so utterly meaningless? I do not wish for a second that I would have been born without freedom, flaw, and desire. It is in my freedom that I freely chose to follow God. It is in my flaws that I see God’s strength. And it is in my desire that I find love for Him. But sometimes I get so sick of being human. Man and animal breathe the same air. We were formed from dust and will return to dust once life turns to death. The only thing that separates me from a beast is my soul. Compassion, forgiveness, love, wisdom, grace, redemption, art… these are things from the soul that no animal can experience. I must remind myself constantly that I have a weakness dwelling in my flesh. The power to over come this comes from God. And though God created the beasts, He does not dwell within them as He does me. This creates a dilemma. A choice. I can follow my flesh; my sinful nature, or I can follow my lover; my creator.

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